He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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