i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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