Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
