who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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