Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
