it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
