he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
