mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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