I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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