i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
