Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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