I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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