it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
