I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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