stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
