it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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