I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
