so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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