Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
