WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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