Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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