YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
