I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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