I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
