Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
