Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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