thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
sex in a hospital.. check
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
