Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
