I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
