I accidentally burped into my bong.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
