The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
