so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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