when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
