you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
