No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
