hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
