I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
