No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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