girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
