he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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