So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
