I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
