She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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