Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize