She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
