i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
