And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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