I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
