I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
