Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
