I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
