I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
