rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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