My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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