I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
