No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
