You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
