I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
