i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
