just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
