Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
