Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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