im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
