I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
