my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
