420 ftw
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have aggressive nipples.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
