The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
