Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
